Highlights from Guinea 2012-2013 Outreach in Pictures- Screening Day Part 1

Screening Day 2012
(photo layout & photos compiled by my friend Josh Callow & other Mercy Ships' photographers)

...testing God's nudges...pink fans...and Fan Milk...

I stepped off the plane and thanked God for safe travels and finally opening the doors for me to depart Guinea- as it had been ridiculous struggle against corruption and bribes (which I refused to pay) with the airline officials for 4.5 days,…yes days… prior to that moment. I acquired a visa without difficulty. My luggage arrived in one piece. There was no appearance of tampering with its contents (as happens more often than not in my foreign travel). And I cleared customs without one question being asked about the thousands of dollars worth of chemotherapy drugs I was carrying for the mission hospital.  I smiled and squealed with delight as I stepped out of the Lomé airport and was greeted by my former translator who worked with Mercy Ships in 2010 and 2012 while the ship was docked in Lomé, Togo.
 

Right outside the airport, I found a Fan Milk man with his little bike- cooler selling my favorite packaged, iced treats. Fan Milk is one of the best inventions in Africa- it is only sold in Togo, Ghana, and Benin- it is the closest thing to an ice cream man this side of the world! I have been craving the cold, little Fan Milk treats for a year now (since I last left Togo)! In this land where it is so hot, that even gum melts, cold treats are a necessity!  For a mere 30 cents I purchased one of my favorite treats and first used it as an ice pack to cool my sweaty skin and then tore a small hole in the package with my teeth and savored the cold chocolate milk flavored slush that seeped through the hole, cooling my tongue in a heavenly way.

My former translator and friend helped me secure another essential in Africa; a fan. I smiled and definitely took it as God’s special gift to me that pink fans were cheaper than all the others and pink is my favorite color.  We stopped to acquire a few more Fan Milk treats for my ride, I thanked my friend for welcoming me, and then the taxi driver and I set off for my home for the next few months… Hôpital Baptiste Biblique, an amazing mission hospital, in the African bush, located at the base of a glorious, lush, green, mountain, a few hours northwest of Togo’s capital city of Lomé.

I nodded off and on in the taxi, not really fatigued from the short plane flight, but all the drama leading up to my departure- and the early hour in which I had to leave the ship to head to the airport. I startled awake to a refreshing breeze, the outdoor temperature had dropped by at least 10 degrees as we ascended toward the mountains. The shift in temperature assured me we were almost to our destination.  I was giddy as we neared the hospital. I could not stop grinning from ear to ear. As the taxi came to a stop, I jumped out of the taxi, un-loaded my luggage, and breathed in the fresh air and said, “God- here goes nothing…lead me, strengthen me, guide me, and uphold me as I go deeper for you, testing if I have what it takes to be a missionary nurse on land, show me your will as I test the nudges you have put on my heart….and thanks for Fan Milk and pink fans!”

awkard moments

You know those awkward moments when someone sees you, they wave emphatically, smile, and grin at you like you are their long lost best friend.  And if they aren’t driving past you in traffic, or across the way at the check-out themselves, they rush to greet you, shake your hand vigorously, and pull you into an embrace….And the entire time, you cannot remember for the life of you, who they are…so you muster a smile of your own, while in your head you are rapidly flipping through “old files” attempting to find “the file” with their information on it- so you too can be as excited as they are.

I have been experiencing a number of those awkward moments lately. Just the other day a precious patient found me in the hospital hallway. She smiled at me from ear to ear, pulled my hand from my pocket, grasped it tightly in hers, and ran her little chocolate tinted fingers over my vanilla forearm, all while looking intently into my eyes as if I was her closest friend.  I quickly glanced at her, trying to see where her bandage was to cue me into what operation she had had, but there were no bandages in sight. Every so slightly embarrassed at the awkwardness of the situation, I just kept holding the little one’s hand. However, she kept looking at me so enthusiastically, I knew I had to know her for some reason, so I humbled myself and asked her in French, “what did we do for you?” She looked at me with a blank stare on her face for a few seconds, then pointed to her elbow.

There upon the back of her elbow was a 6 inch incision that was open to air and healing well, I could barely tell that she had had any surgery….And then I remembered…I regained all recollection of her situation … I couldn’t believe it! I did a double take! She was the little girl I had spent hours with during her triage phase. She had come and gone, seeing many doctors, for assessment upon assessment. I had her return for appointments, in hopes that our CT scanner would be fixed, just to learn it hadn’t yet been fixed and we had to push back her appointments again… and again.   

Where there had once been a large, firm, grapefruit sized tumor protruding off the back of her skinny, little, elbow and a cantaloupe sized mass on her little hip, there were only healing incision lines.  The timid little girl who months ago would barely look at me, the nurse, with vanilla tinted skin, had disappeared.  She had transformed into the confident, bright-eyed beauty, who held my hand.  She grasped my hand tightly for a few more minutes, and then skipped off down the hall-way and back into the plastic surgery ward. I walked away to triage more patients and as walked, I thanked God for the transformed little girl and for the “awkward moment.”

Jaka-a story from the professionals

Did you know that the amazing home I live in is just like a real city in many ways? We have a hospital, bank, post-office, ship shop, Laundromat, crew clinic, a thrift store, dental clinic, pharmacy, lab, Starbucks, mechanics, carpenters, welders, IT Techs, plumbers, receptionists, hospitality crew, janitors, electricians, bankers, accountants,  engineers, you name it- we’ve got it- the difference between our city and other cities in the world? Our city is inside a ship, we work for free & pay to work, and we are from over 36 different countries! In our small city we also have an amazing team of journalists, writers, videographers, and photographers that pour their hearts and talents into sharing the stories of what we as Mercy Ships do… so- today I am going to cheat… here is a story from the professionals- it was written by written by Catherine Clarke Murphy one of our amazing writers & editors aboard the Africa Mercy- it was edited by Nancy Predaina & the photographs included were taken by two of our amazing photographers, Michelle Murrey and Bright Effowe! The little girl in the story is one of them I got to say “yes” to!  

“There is a universal principle of childhood physics that we all remember well: the joy of spinning in circles. Perhaps it was spinning while locking hands with a playmate, in a teacup at Disney World, dancing in pirouettes, or simply turning in place – it was a thrill to send our surroundings into a kaleidoscopic blur. This was followed by a dizzy fit of giggles – at least until our internal compasses caught up, and the world came back into focus. Do you remember?

Four years ago, a little girl named Jaka was spinning around in circles with some other children while her mother was at the market. Around and around, arms out, chin up, her face full of smiles. Tragically, when Jaka lost her balance, she plummeted into her aunt’s cooking fire. Jaka landed in the burning coals on her left side with her arm up. The pot of boiling water her aunt had prepared for rice spilled over the little girl’s shoulders, arms and back.

Fanta, Jaka’s mother, ran home from the market and took her daughter to a local hospital in Conakry. In order to be seen by doctors, the hospital required a payment of 1.5 million Guinea Francs at the gate – just over $200. The family could not afford admission.  Fanta returned home with Jaka, unable to ease her daughter’s agony. For the next eight months, Jaka laid on her little stomach, tethered to the ground by unimaginable pain. Each day, her mother fanned her, trying to offer Jaka whatever relief she could from the inescapable African heat.

As Jaka’s burns healed without medical care or rehabilitation, her left shoulder and arm contracted. Jaka’s skin began to grow back in such a way that her arm became stuck to her side from her armpit to elbow.  Fanta feared that Jaka would lose the ability to move her arm. Still unable to afford any medical treatment, Fanta tried to treat the problem herself.

Fanta forced Jaka’s arm away from her side three times, trying to prevent the contracture. Fanta described each attempt, saying that she and Jaka both cried themselves to exhaustion. On the fourth try, Jaka begged her mother to stop because the pain was so unbearable. “If you try to pull it open again, I will die. The pain will kill me,” Jaka said to her mother. With that, Fanta resigned herself to allowing Jaka’s arm to heal on its own, stuck to her side.

            Today, 9-year-old Jaka is a patient on the Africa Mercy hospital ship, recovering from a free plastic surgery that released her arm and grafted skin. Deep burn marks cover her entire upper body – her head, neck, shoulders, back and arms – but no one notices because they are entranced by the little girl’s adorable gap-toothed smile.

Sweeping, washing and fighting – these are the activities Jaka says she will get to do with her restored arm. Laundry might not be appealing to many, but participating in household chores is a normalcy Jaka has never known. “I am so happy,” Jaka says. “When I go home, I will work all the time because I can.” (Fanta admits she is glad for this enthusiasm.) Free of her deformity, Jaka will also now be able to go to school for the first time.

As for fighting, Jaka is one of ten children, and she happens to be very ticklish. With her new arm, she will be able to hold her own the next time she is picked on by one of her older brothers or sisters. She was ashamed to go among her siblings and friends when her arm was stuck to her side because they would tease her. “Now they will see me and say, ‘Jaka has become well!’” she declares. Then they will invite her to sit with them and watch the cars go by their house.

From her hospital bed, Jaka is all giggles – she can hardly contain her excitement for her now-bright future of playing, going to school and watching cars. But Jaka’s favorite part about her restorative surgery and rehabilitation is even simpler than that: “Clapping!” she exclaims. With her arm free, Jaka can finally clap with both hands.

Now there’s a happy ending worthy of applause.”

un-expected surgeries, peanut butter needs & raspberry, diet coke blessings

God is good all the time & all the time God is good...in no particular order of importance...check out what God has been up to lately in my life...

I visited the Mercy Ships’ operating room a few weeks back & I am not talking about the standard visits I make there daily to converse with the surgeons about potential patients. This time I was the patient.  I can better empathize with hernia patients than I ever desired to! How the heck I got an umbilical hernia is unknown- maybe picking up & loving on too many kids- but more likely my abdominal wall was weakened already from the scar from my appendectomy (appendix removal in 2005) & my stomach muscles said- enough of that- lets jump out!  Don’t feel bad for me that I couldn’t be home with my family during the stressful process of being away from the USA during a health challenge. Although- it would have been splendid to have some hugs from many of you during this time- I am so thankful I was in Africa for this operation. I am thankful my ailment arose when it did- should I have had this pain when I was home visiting that would have spoiled my vacation and given me some extreme financial challenges to say the least! I am thankful that my ailment arose when it did because had it occurred one week later- we wouldn’t have had a general surgeon aboard! God is good & I have experienced the hope & healing of our ship firsthand & God bless Doctor Larry Barr!   

I participated in an aqua-gym class conducted in French and Spanish- with the Spanish Ambassador’s wife in her pool that has a lovely ocean view! The randomness of my life brings me pure excitement!

The ship snack-bar ran out of diet coke-this was very tragic for many of us! Yes- we are spoiled on the Mercy Ship- we have a snack-bar with special treats from home. The containers that travel to us on ships across the ocean delivering medical supplies for our hospital also deliver special treats that we can buy aboard if we have extra money. But, the containers delivering the diet coke were delayed! Although many cannot believe it- I have never had a cup of coffee in my life- so the Starbuck’s we have aboard the ship does nothing for me- but I do love a cold diet coke over ice every now and then! Some comforts from home- I really do like- I am human- lest you were going to put me in another category…Well- God smiled on me when I stumbled across a little store constructed with of sheets of metal nailed together inside a shipping container.  Inside this humble store- diet coke is sold! I managed to buy some with my improving French language skills and obtained a marriage proposal from the store owner at the same time. I politely declined the offer- but if I run out of spending money I may have to take the man up on the offer to keep me supplied with diet coke!  Thanks God for your sense of humor & blessings! 

My good friend and fellow nurse- passed a foot long worm- she dug it out of the toilet- placed it inside two plastic bags & delivered it to me in the hallway. I preceded to magnet the little- not so- little dead worm in its bag to my wall until I had time to examine the sucker under a microscope in the lab.  My diploma in tropical nursing comes in handy! I love using the knowledge God has given me!  

We got frozen raspberries & blueberries in the ship-shop! They were sold out within minutes of being placed in the freezer. After making my purchase from the ship-shop- I took my treasure to my room...On the way back to my room- I passed someone in the hall-way and they asked how I was…I responded with pure excitement- “There are raspberries & blueberries in the ship shop!!!” With no excitement, whatsoever, they said- “oh.” This person obviously hasn’t been on the ship long enough- or they would have appreciated my excitement & danced wildly with me as a few of my other long-term friends and I did…all in honor of the raspberries! The small things in life!

I got one of the best packages of my life- on the ship’s container last week! The package was mailed from the USA December 31^st – it travelled to Texas- was loaded into a shipping container that made its way across the ocean to me & arrived April 5^th! The package contained a “birthday in a box” & was complete with a birthday banner- cake mix, frosting, little wrapped gifts…and  oh- bless peanut butter m&m’s, Cabot Cheddar Cheese flavoring for popcorn, real crumbled bacon bites, gummy bears, you name it! Awesome! The package arrived just in time- not for my birthday- that was March 12^th- but just in time nonetheless. I really needed some cheer & love from home on the exact day the package arrived! God is good! I pray my 31^st year is better than all my previous years- I pray God teaches me much & allows me to bless many!  

As a part of my nursing work here- I wrote the following email a few weeks ago- can’t say I ever wrote an email like that during one of my nursing shifts at home! Never a dull moment here… “Hello! I have another very random question for you. Do you or anyone at the US Embassy have any extra smooth peanut butter that you would be willing to donate to Mercy Ships or let us buy from you? Or do you know of local supermarkets that sell it? Our containers have been delayed that bring our pediasure & ensure for NG feeds. We have run out before- we are used to making due- & in that case we have our own recipe for NG feeds with smooth peanut butter & other nutrients- so our patients get the calories then need, but because of the delay of our containers- we are out of smooth peanut butter too! AHAHAh! We cannot use the crunchy peanut butter in NG feeds- because it could clog the tubes. So- if you know of any available peanut butter. Mercy Ships would love to know about it! Thanks.”
 

From un-expected surgeries to peanut butter needs- God is good- he's got adventures for us each and every single day- trust him in the adventure- he won't let you down... He doesn't disappoint- in fact he loves to give blessings- you just may have never known they can come in the form of raspberries & diet coke!

pray that they will see more of HIM & less of me

As the man struggled to speak to me in English, tears rolled down his cheek, describing what had happened to his brother.  His brother had been traveling from the interior of Guinea to Conakry when he had been attacked by bandits, was robbed, beat, and he had his right eye slashed with a machete.  As soon as the man started talking to me, I knew that Mercy Ships couldn’t physically do anything for his brother- because all Mercy Ships surgery slots for eye & maxilla-facial patients were/are full…I dreaded saying no to the man… I hate saying no to people, but it is part of my job…when Mercy Ships surgery spaces are full or we don’t have a doctor that can treat the patient’s aliment, I have to say no… My heart hurt for this man and his brother, as it does for every patient I come across….But, for this one….I couldn’t bring myself to just say no… My schedule for the next few days was lighter than normal so I agreed to see the patient, even though I couldn’t really help him.  I gently, but firmly told the man - that Mercy Ships would not be able to operate on his brother, but that we would see him nonetheless & offer any advice we could…  I didn’t want to offer false hope…

The patient was a middle-aged man, a taxi driver, and his injury not only threatened his vision, but his livelihood- if he lost the vision in one of his eyes- he would not be able to work as a taxi driver & his 5 young ones at home were going to face serious challenges.  The patient was hopeful…I was doubtful…what was I really thinking- when I agreed to see him? I knew we couldn’t offer him physical help… I prayed quietly under my breath- asking God to somehow touch this patient…   I saw him 4 days after his initial injury- the swelling in his eye had subsided significantly, but still he had no vision. He couldn’t even see light… I arranged for him to see our eye surgeon.   The surgeon confirmed that the patient would not regain his sight & he needed an operation.   The eye surgeon and I contacted a local clinic & they confirmed they could perform the operation the man needed.

Upon telling the patient that Mercy Ships couldn’t help him & that he was going to be blind in his right eye, we offered to pray with him if he desired- he accepted….We offered a simple prayer and I again apologized that I could not do anything for him.  I felt horrible- the patient was going to be blind forever in that eye- he would very likely lose his job, and the livelihood of his family was in jeopardy. Oh, man…  I expected the patient to be angry or beg me for help- as they often do- if I have had to deliver less than ideal news…but as this patient spoke in his local dialect, I noted he didn’t look angry…instead he looked entirely at peace and was smiling… my translator told me that he was thanking me profusely for my time and for seeing him. He also reported he didn’t know how he was going to repay me… Through a translator, I told the patient I helped him because God loves him & cares about him & if he told others what God had done for him, that would be enough thanks… I then handed the patient an offering we had quickly gathered to cover the cost of his operation at the local clinic (a clinic I had made contact with while I was on the Advance team in Guinea- back in May-August 2012) and sent him on his way. Nothing but thankful phrases rolled off his lips as I escorted him off the ship.

Days have passed since I saw the patient that had been attacked with the machete.  But, a few days ago a fellow crew member pulled me aside to say…”Good job! I don’t know what you did- but the man I was sitting next to kept pointing at you- saying… ‘she is the one, that girl, she is the one that helped us so much…’ so great job!”   I said- I didn’t do anything special…I was simply doing my job… 

I saw the original man again- a few days ago… he stuttered as he tried to communicate to me in English…but this time he stuttered words of thankfulness with a huge smile on his face… He requested a picture of me for his brother.  He said his brother cannot stop talking about me & Mercy Ships.  Through his broken English- I managed to understand his brother wants to remember the one who showed such kindness to him…And he said his brother is telling all the people in his village what I/we did for him… I don’t normally give pictures of myself to patients, but for this one I may…and I pray that whenever he sees my photo or when he thinks of me…that he will see Jesus…

Pray that what they all see is more of HIM & less of me...

...don't worry or fear for me...cause I fear not...

For those of you who are up on your geography & world news and may have heard about the trouble happening in Mali, the neighboring country north-west of Guinea, where French troops have come in over the last few months, please pray…The minor protests and riots we are having in Guinea are nothing like the current unrest in Mali. nor are they related.  The trouble in Mali is about 911 kms away from where I live- even though Guinea & Mali do share a border.  Also- don’t trust Googlemaps it says it take 12 hours & 28 mins to get to Malia…A recent road-trip of mine in Guinea was estimated by Googlemaps to take 3 hours & 9 mins to travel 233 km…It took my friends and me a good 8 hours and that was in a vehicle in excellent condition (that's another story for another time)…so real trouble is more than 24 hours of travel away…but nonetheless please pray for God's presence to be in both the situation in Guinea & the situation in Mali...Don't worry or fear for me.. for  "I fear not for he is with me"...Isaiah 41:10

if you missed it...it isn't too late

 

 

                                      http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50141230n

In May of 2012- the CBS news- 60 Minutes team- visited my floating home in Lome, Togo.  60 Minutes aired their documentary one week ago today- but if you missed it- don't fear- click the link above & you can catch some of what you missed- plus a few "60 Minutes- Overtime" segments that didn't make the original showing- but are worth watching! Don't strain your eyes too much searching for me in the spot-light- the television team showed up one day after I had already left to go to Guinea to prepare for Mercy Ships' current outreach here...but some of the Ziulkowski's caught some of the action as my mom & dad were aboard volunteering during the time the television crew was aboard...Enjoy & be blessed!

praying for peace in Guinea & answered prayers

As my translator was reporting to me that he had just finished calling the list of patients I had asked him to call, our conversation was interrupted by the sound of the intercom overhead.  I held my breath- knowing that among the few reasons the ship’s intercom system is used- is for emergency medical team calls.  And even though I have lived in the ship’s environment for over four years now & we have miraculously few emergencies in our hospital- I still hold my breath and instinctively start praying as soon as I hear the intercom’s static erupt through the routine of my daily life aboard the ship.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I heard “Attention crew- attention crew- this is the captain speaking.” Thankful there wasn’t a medical emergency in our midst, my heart calmed and I listened to the captain.  The captain announced that once again because of the growing political unrest and tension here in Guinea- that he had received word that within the next day or two there were threats of protests and riots in town.  Therefore, there would be “restricted shore leave, no coming or going, and only mission critical travel- as approved by the captain alone.” The captain reported he would keep us aware of changes in the situation and that crew should frequently check The Captain’s Notice Board- where critical information is communicated.    

After an announcement of that type- some would expect me to feel fear or frustration over the danger just around the corner or cancellation of planned adventures- but neither fear or sadness over cancelled adventures to the market or beach were on my radar- instead- I found myself angry & with a bunch of repeat phone calls to make….

I was angry as I reflected on the fact that it does no good to have Mercy Ships in country- or to be one of the blessed patients that makes it onto our surgery schedule before it fills up, if patients cannot get to us.  My patients don’t need any more resistance in their fight to get to us…the patients here battle fears we wouldn’t even think of-they have been told stories of what will happen to them if they go to the ship- their elders & chiefs remind them of folks the same skin color as me who not long ago- sailed away with their loved ones on ships- chaining and imprisoning them, religious fears, threats of being disowned if they come to us, unimaginably difficult roads to traverse, fear of water, walking for miles and miles, selling everything one has to get here, these people do not need more challenge in their lives….now riots, protests, taxi strikes…When is enough…enough???

Battling my frustration at injustice & the enemy (because I truly believe many of the struggles we face in this life are not against flesh & blood- Ephesians 6- & the enemy is the one trying to steal, destroy, and disappoint the people of Guinea) I took a deep breath and looked at my translator and told him all the patients we had just called to come into the ship had to be called once again because I wasn’t going to be able to drive with them to the local hospital (related to the ships’ lockdown) to obtain the CT Scans they have been so patiently waiting for while Mercy Ships’ CT Scanner has been on the fritz.  Bless my humble patients- some of them had been waiting for more than 4 months for their CT Scans, since Mercy Ship’s CT Scanner first started having trouble months ago.  Some of these precious patients had already had their appointments for CT Scans with me changed more than 4 times back in the fall, when we thought our CT Scanner was on the mend. I would schedule their appointment after receiving the shipment of a few vital bio-medical components from the USA& Europe only to find we needed more parts and had to cancel their appointments. Then we would receive more parts for the scanner and I would call my patients to come in again-trying to give them travel time considering some of them have to travel more than 2 days to reach me, just to find out we needed more parts for the machine to be fixed.  I asked my translator to call each of the patients again and to explain that each of them is very important to me and to Mercy Ships, that we were so sorry for the inconvenience and would call them again soon to reschedule their appointment and that I would not forget them. 

I listened as my translator spoke to one of my patients on the phone. I interrupted him and gently asked him to please say exactly what I had asked (my French is improving rapidly).  Although translating exactly what I say- should be a given in translation, it isn’t…and sometimes that is good as I have learned that culturally things need to be said differently- and I have asked my translator to tell me that- not just change what I say- but other times- what I am asking to be said is just so foreign- my translator has deemed it not necessary to translate.  More frustration mounts in my heart- I truly want to communicate to my patients how important they are to me- that I am not like others who have promised them something and never give it, but this is hard to express when I cannot communicate directly with my patients & up until now- I haven’t been able to provide tangible evidence that I do care for them and their needs. 

I pray that somehow my patients will understand they are cared for and loved by me, Mercy Ships, and far more important than either my love or Mercy Ships’ love, they are loved by God!  I ask again that my translator verbally acknowledges and tells my patients that they are important to me and I value them.  My translator looks at me with a blank face…At first I feel myself becoming more frustrated, but then it hits me that maybe my translator has never been told that he is important or valued…Sobering thought…There are many in this world that have never been told they are important or valued… if you fall into that category; let me be the first to tell you…YOU ARE IMPORTANT & VALUED… I try to explain to my translator the value in being told that you are important and that not only the physical needs of my patients are important to me- their emotional and mental frustration mounting with the waves of hope and despair they have felt over the past few months- waiting for their call to come to the ship, then being told not to come…matters to me..I know they are seeing the days and months tick by- with no tangible hope yet received, their tumors are growing bigger, their pain is increasing, their rejection mounts….I hurt for them and sincerely want to communicate that I care…Oh- the adventure & challenge to communicate with language & cultural barriers. To grow up in a world where you don’t have the basics in life… love, shelter, clothing, clean water, where no one cares if you are dying, or bleeding to death, of course emotional and mental health are low on the radar…all learning and teaching moments…

With the CT Scan patients called- and a whispered prayed for peace in this country-I set to my next task…With creativity I can hopefully help prevent losing operating room time- I will not allow the enemy to steal one more bit of hope from another patient in this country- if I can help it…I pull up the OR schedule for the next few days and after approving with the ward supervisor that there were enough bed spaces on the ward  with boarding pre-op patients under the beds if necessary, my translator and I set to calling in the patients for surgery for the next few days to come in early to stay on the ward- so that they wouldn’t be prevented from traveling to the ship if they were caught in riots or protests.  A few riots or threats from the enemy won’t scare me- I am on a mission here- to know, be, & bring the Peace- (brilliant sermon series by Pastor Warren R) - with all I am; in His strength- I wage Peace…

What a day….never a boring moment…tired & exhausted… I went to bed- but not before praying for peace in Guinea…

The next morning I awoke and glanced at the Captain’s Notice Board and was pleasantly surprised that my prayers were answered! The riots and protests were cancelled for that day because the president of FIFA (the governing body for football/soccer for the World Cup) decided to visit Guinea that day! And since he was in town, Joseph “Sepp” Blatter, the FIFA president, decided to stop over for a surprise visit to my home here. No big deal- and in case it interests you the other day the ambassador from Saudi Arabia popped in for a visit.  And I probably failed to mention it, but in my time while living on the ship, Princess Anne from England, a few other African presidents, Miss Belgium, an Australia television crew, a Norwegian television crew, some German actresses, Nick Vujicic (an evangelist & motivational speaker who was born without all four limbs), and 60 minutes correspondents, among many other dignitaries, have just popped in for a visit to my home here and there-sometimes announced and sometimes un-announced!

After a mere day, the excitement of the FIFA president’s visit to Guinea disappeared into the past and the riots & protests were scheduled once again.  More changes in patient appointments and plans... This place I live is ever amazing and never boring. Who would have thought a nurse must work so hard to just get her patients to the hospital so she can care for them… After another long day…tired & exhausted… I went to bed- but not before praying for peace in Guinea… Prayers for peace in Guinea appreciated!

the out-pouring was more rapid than the filling

          The adrenaline rush that I experienced, in anticipation of the ship’s arrival that kept me up all hours of the night-the week prior to the ship’s arrival… ran out… The first few weeks the ship arrives in a new country are always hectic- as Mercy Ships hits operational mode- setting up the hospital, un-tethering all the equipment that had to be tied down for the ship’s sail,  training new nurses, training translators, and screening/selecting thousands of patients for surgery.  When the ship sailed in, I was hit with tangible excited, energy of the new crew and those who sailed into Guinea.  I was ecstatic to be reunited with my sailing home.  The summer had been intense; a character building time, a stretching, growing experience, on the front lines in Guinea and my fatigue was palpable. I mustered every ounce of God’s strength to perform my job, mirror the excitement of the crew, and find that “first day of school” excitement which has always been mine when arriving with the ship in a new country, but to no avail… Instead I felt as if I had a bad case of “senioritis.” I was exhausted and worse yet, I felt guilty for feeling this way, which made me feel worse.  My body & mind where in two different places, I was so confused- when I had left the ship in May for Guinea, the ship was in Togo, I had lived on land in Guinea for 3.5 months, but when the ship sailed in, I for some reason still expected to be in Togo. I was looking for my friends that had been a part of the Togo outreach, but were no longer aboard. I looked for the Togolese translators that I had worked with and come to love, but they had remained in Togo.  I mentally planned “trips to this or that place, only to remember those places weren’t in Guinea- they were in Togo….and we weren’t in Togo anymore…but, I knew that…I had been living in Guinea for 3.5 months…”  Mass confusion & exhaustion… The out-pouring was more rapid than the filling…
          I struggled to concentrate; I forgot passwords to my email accounts and phone numbers that I have known for years…I tried to form intellectual sentences and conversations, but my words came out in mixed sentences of English, French, and randomly Spanish.  I didn’t have the energy to teach new translators and I feared if I was squeezed or stretched in any small manner, personally or professionally, what came out may not be pretty…I feared I may burst into tears at any given moment or that I may verbally vomit, my fatigue on those around me who were energized and full of excitement for what God planned to do in Guinea. I did not want to quench the excitement of others on the ship and I definitely did not want this feeling to be communicated to my patients… so felt I had to shelter others from my fragility…I  ate chocolate like I hadn’t had it in 3.5 months (which was not far from the truth), I cried, I ate more chocolate,  I cried more, I hugged my friends that still remained on the ship every chance I got, I cried, ate more chocolate (yes, I know it is a bad idea to “eat your feelings”), cried more, and cried more. The out-pouring was more rapid than the filling…
          I honestly wanted to write and focus on the positive, of the surgeries that had started, the patients that were walking for the first time, the hope that was being restored….but could not… I tried to muster the strength, energy, and mental capacity to inform all of you of what God was teaching me and doing in Africa, but no words came....  I wanted to write… to be upbeat, make you laugh, touch your heart with stories of the incredible things God has done recently through very difficult situations, and captivate you with a great update & report of my life as a missionary nurse in Africa… but I couldn’t write… Mass confusion & exhaustion… The out-pouring was more rapid than the filling…
          I was granted a few days off and sought to travel somewhere- a Western country that would maybe feel like home- a place that I could afford to travel to where there wouldn’t be any jet-lag… God provided a haven for me in Switzerland where a few of my friends, former nurses from the ship were randomly (God ordained) going to be… it would be ideal to spend time with them…they understand the life of a missionary nurse, I wouldn’t have to explain myself to them if I randomly burst into tears in a supermarket, and I could find some fresh air, peace, and rest. 
          It was pure heaven to be in Switzerland…There were sun-flower fields that reminded me of my birth-place, Kansas. The fields of corn and farm land reminded me of South Dakota, where I spent many months as a child visiting my grandparents, uncle, aunt, and cousins.  The mountains reminded me of the Rocky Mountains that trail through Idaho & Canada, where I grew up & studied nursing.  The green foliage and quaint villages reminded me of New Hampshire & Vermont.  It was magical- I was in so many of my “homes” even though abroad.  I slept in, laughed, took walks in the shadows of the Alps, felt the cool, fresh, breeze upon my face, smiled, drank clean water from the tap, ran barefoot in the grass, not fearing transmission of tropical diseases or parasites, I had electricity, fresh produce, long hot showers, and I could walk down the street alone and without being asked to give more of myself.  “He made me lie down in green pastures & lead me beside quiet waters…” (Psalm 23:2).
          When I got off the plane from Switzerland and walked back into Africa- my eyes again filled with tears and I sobbed. He truly had “led me by quiet waters and let me lie down in green pastures…but my soul was not restored…” My 9 day vacation had not been long enough… I cried more…surrounded by amazing friends and co-workers I took a few more days to decompress…and cried more….I should have written-…but rationalized that it would not be good to needlessly worry you on my behalf…I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me…I wanted to protect you from feeling helpless- not being able to offer me any tangible help with my current situation… 
 

“All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control

Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered, “peace be still”
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child

He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place

Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered, “peace be still”
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child”

Lyrics to the Song “Sometimes He Calms the Storm” by Scott Krippayne

          As the literal and figurative waves crashed against my ship/home in Africa & my life, I cried…I was exhausted, still loved my work, the people, the ship/my home abroad, but was exhausted…but  “because of God’s great love, I was not consumed, his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. I said to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore, I wait for him” (Lamentations 3: 22-23). I waited on the Lord asking for more strength and a refreshing wind to fall on my spirit, but it wasn’t coming fast enough. The out-pouring was more rapid than the filling…
           No fear- …. although “hard pressed, crushed, perplexed, and struck down, I AM NOT DESTROYED” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)! And although the out-pouring was more rapid than the filling…I am home now for a filling….My filling is for his Glory- & it is my honor to share all I have with you- Africa! I’ll see you in the New Year!