hungry & falling on my knees

I cannot believe it has been almost 4 years since I stood in front of my home churches in Idaho & New Hampshire announcing that I would be serving as a volunteer, missionary nurse on a ship in Africa! I vaguely remember reading an excerpt from a “Welcome to Mercy Ships Letter” that I received out loud in church as part of my prayer requests as I was heading out into the land of the unknown (life on a ship in Africa). The excerpt I read said “the ship culture is one of constant change: change of location, change of personnel, and change of climate. Relationships, though intense, are often short lived, and this can be emotionally painful. Relationship conflicts are difficult to avoid and need to be worked out which can be a frightening experience for some people. For this reason it is important that crew members are emotionally robust with healthy coping mechanisms…”



I was also informed the “ship environment is hazardous and uncomfortable for various reasons. Decks may be slippery, there are lots of steep staircases, and there are many things to trip over or to hit your head on. The environment is often noisy, which can be mentally exhausting. There are occupational hazards associated especially with technical jobs. Heat can take its toll and dehydration is a risk. Sea travel can result in great discomfort from motion sickness. The ship air conditioning system recycles a high proportion of the air, resulting in frequent exposure to coughs and colds…”


Basically, I had signed up for the adventure of my life…and if I was going to survive life in the metal box, where I would eat, sleep, work, socialize, pray, and share every moment of life together with about 400 other people from 35 different countries; I better have an excellent prayer team... All the challenges the “Welcome to Mercy Ships Letter” explained didn’t even touch on the intensity of working with and among the poorest of the poor, experiencing patient deaths, crew illnesses, having to tell patient after patient that our surgery lists are full and that we have no space to help, having limited supplies, falling in love with chocolate children that the Lord calls home before we are ready to say good-bye, and seeing the intense pain and suffering of a multitude of people right out my window. Yikes!


I actually laughed when I read the letter I had received and knew I had nothing to fear because God would go with me everywhere and I would be able to accomplish whatever he called me too… I still believe and fully know without a doubt that it is God ALONE who enables me to get out of bed every day and it is God ALONE that allows me to perform the work he called me too, but…Yikes!


I have burst into tears 4 times in the last 40 minutes alone and I feel like all my emotional robust, health, vigor, heartiness, strength, toughness, stoutness, spirit, beef, sturdiness, muscle, resilience, and durability have gone out the window! Tomorrow is our last day of surgery for the Sierra Leone 2011 outreach. The hospital officially closes November 25th and we still have many surgical patients desperately in need of miracles so that their wounds heal before the ship sails away in December. Many of my treasured friends are leaving within the next few days and I don’t know if I will ever see them again on this earth. My roommate and current best friend is leaving tomorrow and I will have a new bunkmate within 24 hours time. I also have two huge term papers/reports to write within the next few weeks describing the entire plastic and orthopedic surgery experiences aboard the ship this year and I feel like I have a bad case of senioritis!


To be “emotionally robust” is an understatement for my need at this time. I am hungry…and falling on my knees...as tears roll down my cheeks, I ask you to sing/pray with me & for me, the lyrics to the song I am now listening to…

Hungry (Falling on my Knees) by Kathryn Scott…

Hungry I come to You

For I know You satisfy

I am empty, but I know

Your love does not run dry

So I wait for You

So I wait for You

I’m falling on my knees

Offering all of me

Jesus You’re all

This heart is living for

Broken I run to You

For Your arms are open wide

I am weary, but I know Your touch

Restores my life

So I wait for You

So I wait for You

So I wait for You

So I wait for You

Jesus, I am so blessed to be stressed here in Africa, serving in your precious name. I am blessed that I have friends and family, worlds apart from me, who care enough about me to read this, that support me to be here, and pray for me. Thanks!