Transition

I stood in the shower today, far longer than two minutes, and let the water rush around me. My thoughts almost as many as the drops of water flowing over me. Thoughts running faster than I can process. It seems I have traveled the world and back, which I have, but daily my thoughts travel millions of miles in an attempt to process everything. I was in Africa… I really was… It was only 3.5 weeks ago, but seems like an eternity. I was in Idaho… the place I have lived the longest, out of all the places I have lived. My home??? I am not sure where my home is anymore. I sat in the dental chair days after returning from Africa and I think I made history, falling asleep during a root canal procedure. God answers our prayers in amazing ways. I spent Thanksgiving with my family and one of the only African families, I know of, in the state of Idaho. It was a blessing to have some of my African brothers and sisters around. There are so many white people in America! It is a shock! I flew across America to New Hampshire to my most recent home prior to living on the ship in Africa. But, is this my home? I don’t know… I am realizing more and more that this world is not my home… My true home is in Heaven. The word "cold" isn’t adequate to describe the chill that ran through my bones as I took my first step outside the Manchester Airport. I suppose it would have helped if I was wearing shoes instead of flip-flops. The piles of snow scattered about reminded me one of my first projects would be to dig through my storage items to find some snow pants and boots! Fully clothed in one of my African dresses, snow boots, gloves, and my winter coat, I drove the old familiar road toward Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center, my previous employer. Dartmouth is an absolutely incredible hospital, it employees over 6,000 people, and until this week, I was one of them. It was emotional walking through my old nursing unit and seeing everyone. It was great to be warmly welcomed back by my colleagues. It was fun sharing stories with them and laughing about the differences of nursing in Africa and in the United States. I relished in their attention and compliments for how the African lifestyle and clothing suit me. I agree with them and it is complex to comprehend leaving the States again to pay to volunteer in Africa. It is complex, but I am 100% sure it is what I want to do and what God has called me to do. It was like Christmas morning as I opened all my boxes stored in my friend’s basement. It was exciting digging in box after box and being reunited with my old teddy bears, winter clothes, and other small treasures. At the same time, I cried thinking of my selfishness and inner turmoil over wanting to keep my belongings for if and when I return to America, but not really needing any of the items in that spacious basement. During the last eight months, I lived in a shoebox, had one small, small closet, and I did not miss one of the items in the pile I was standing in. I was content. But… "what if I want this in the future…well, Laura, it isn’t practical to keep taking your friend’s space and storing items people could really use when you aren’t using them…but… I will need it if I come back…but, not within the next year… but I could use the money if I sold the items…but my time here is limited and who wants to come to a yard sale in a snow bank?" My head was about to explode. Being reunited with my West Lebanon Baptist Church family was superb. During the beginning of the service we prayed for someone to buy my car. Moments later, during the "meet and greet" time, two people reported interest in my car. PRAISE GOD! A few days later I sold my car! I cried tears of joy for God’s provision of providing a buyer, but tears of recognition, that my current life in America is slipping away. I enjoyed a busy day full of reunions and great conversation with treasured friends. Tired and blessed, I traveled to Sharon, Vermont, where I am staying with one of my "adopted families." Upon getting ready for bed, I was literally struck with lightening, intense, pain near my right kidney. I grabbed the phone to call my mom and dad in Idaho, like they could help from 3,000 miles away. In tears of agony, I rolled on the floor squeezing the life out of a borrowed teddy bear. I vomited related to the immense pain surging through my back. It was decided I should head to the emergency room, the kidney stones were probably back. I vomited off and on during the 25-minute drive to the hospital, my "adopted" mom doing her best to comfort me. The physical pain intensified and I was full of inner pain knowing the hospital bill was going to be HUGE and my health insurance status is mostly non-existent. I attempted to remind myself, "God owns all the money in the world and he can afford this bill." After a lethal dose of narcotics, the pain was almost gone. I had been in the emergency room for 5 hours and the doctors said I could go home. I called another friend from church to pick me up and arranged to stay at their house in town, considering my "adopted mom" had to work in the morning and she had left the ER around 2:30am. My friend, a true servant, picked me up, drove me to the pharmacy to get a slew of expensive drugs, and then helped tuck me in at 4:30 am for a fitful, painful night of sleep. Days later and many glasses of water later, some of the stones passed. I had numerous diagnostic tests and appointments with the doctors at Dartmouth. The current status: CT scan shows no more stones needing to pass at this time, but multiple stones in the early stages of formation. Nothing needs to be done at this time. The stones I gave the doctor are being analyzed to determine the root cause of this issue and the next plan of care. Am I going back to Africa? Yes! Brain tumors don’t get me down, so a little patch of kidney stones isn’t gonna stop me either! It just would be nice if the stones would leave me alone. Prayer request: The hospital bill for one of the tests was $6,000 USD alone. My God is big, but my faith is sometimes small, small. My heart is hurting trying to figure out where I am going to get the money needed for these bills. I am working with Dartmouth to get them to understand my current status. It is not like I am unemployed, or lazy, and wanting a free handout. I work for the King of Kings and my benefits are out of this world and it isn’t payday yet! I achieved a status of being kidney-pain free, but my tooth, on the other hand, "Oh, danger!" The Idaho root canal was supposed to take care of my dental pain. I should not be waking up at night with dental pain. The dentist even gave me antibiotics, there should not be infection-causing pain. What the heck? In God’s timing and plan I connected with a local dentist that is a believer in God and he miraculously got me an emergency appointment with an endontist (a special root canal dentist, it normally takes months to get in to see them). When I was leaving for my appointment, I found a large sum of cash in my purse. It had to have been put there by my Bible study group that I had shared my experiences with a few nights prior. But, why hadn’t I seen it before? I put it in a safe place and thanked God for this huge blessing and provision! After the endontist played with a flame and fire around my tooth, it was determined the wrong tooth had been worked on. The dentist on the ship did his best to diagnosis the pain in my tooth. The pain was confusing, referring to another tooth, the x-rays he interpreted were clear, the real culprit tooth, appeared fine and he didn’t have the technology available to put fire on the roots of my tooth to determine the source of infection. The ship dentist had drilled the suspected infected tooth and put an antibiotic in it, which meant the dentist is Idaho had to finish the work on that tooth, therefore not thinking to consider another tooth as the issue. After touching my tooth with fire and causing me to jump from the chair, the endontist said I needed another root canal. I started crying and the dentist asked if I was in pain. I reported "no, but I don’t know where I am going to get the money to pay for this. I pay to volunteer as a nurse in Africa." The dentist handed me a tissue and said, "I’ll be back to start the procedure in a few minutes." Man alive! I am kicking myself for not taking better care of my teeth when I was small. Miraculously, the money I found in my bag was the exact cost of the root canal, but that money was for my trip, not my health concerns. God is in control. As you can tell, I am full of emotion, thoughts, and stories. The following is the lyrics to a song called God is God by Steven Curtis Chapman. This song is a comfort to me and expresses some of what I cannot form into written word. I will keep you posted. Thanks for your prayers and endless encouragement.

God is God by Steven Curtis Chapman

And the pain falls like a curtain On the things I once called certain And I have to say the words I fear the most I just don’t know

And the questions without answers Come and paralyze the dancer So I stand here on the stage afraid to move Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting So I’ll never understand it all For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder And I’m filled with awe and wonder ‘Til the only burning question that remains Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain Take the stars in hand and count them Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me He is first and last before all that has been Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

God is God and I am not I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting God is God and I am not So I’ll never understand it all For only God is God