SO HUMAN

If any of you were every tempted to call me anything more than human, like a hero, or amazing; don't. I know some of you may want to call me an alien, but we can discuss that later. I am so human and this past week has reminded me of that in more ways than one. I am weary and worn out after my last stretch of shifts. Well, pure, extreme, total exhaustation might be a more accurate description of my current state of being. I had a few days off, which were a blessing, but I am back at it again. Today we had another VVF screening day. We had two new surgeons fly in last night and today we examined and took medical histories on 40 patients. Wow! We are starting another 6 weeks of VVF surgery. Therefore, I am back to balancing three roles again. Charge Nurse, VVF Co-Coordinator, and Ward Nurse. Please pray for my endurance, my roommates (I feel bad for them having to live with a frustrated, tired, stressed Laura), our patients, and my patience, strength, renewed passion, sweet restful sleep, and my relationships with crew. Pray that I may have patience with myself considering I get frustrated with my own human limitations. Oh, dear, just pray. I have so much more to say, stories to share, but what I really need is to sleep right now. I love all of you!

I AM TIRED

I am on my 7th shift in a row. Your prayers would be appreciated. I worked an evening shift as a ward nurse last Wednesday, evening Charge Nurse shifts Thursday and Friday, day shift Charge Nurse shifts Saturday and Sunday, yesterday I worked a day shift from 8:00-5:00pm as VVF Co-Coordinator and today and tomorrow I work evening Charge Nurse shifts. Wow, I am sorta feeling exhausted. Pray for my continued strength, patience, and endurance. I don't want my lack of energy to come across to the patients I am here to serve. I want my conversations to be flowing with grace and love, but when I am tired, that is harder! I am looking forward to a few days off starting Thursday, but Thursday seems so far away right now! Yikes! I love you all!

Mindboggling Differences

I knew Benin was vastly different from Liberia the moment I stepped off the airplane. Over the past two months more and more of the differences between Liberia and Benin have become apparent to me. I know each country and part of the world is unique and has certain cultural practices, but naively, I expected there to be a lot more similarities between Benin and Liberia. I mean after all, they are both West African countries, they are both on the list of the poorest countries in the world, and geographically they are not that far apart. But, I am totally shocked over the diversity between Benin and Liberia. Where to start? Well, one of the first things I noticed was the roads. Most of the roads in town are paved and without portholes to China (there are almost no potholes)! I remember last year in Liberia when we would hit a pot hole in the road and I wondered if we would come out on the other side of it in Liberia, or China, considering its depth! There are also designated driving lanes on the roads and surprisingly, most drivers follow them! The traffic lights work! I am not a ship driver as of yet, but I am not near as excited about driving as I was last year. I don’t want to follow traffic laws. I prefer the “make your own lane”, “make your own way”, of driving in Liberia. This may be my slightly rebellious side coming out! My home and driveway: In Liberia, we had the luxury of our own dock. The port in Liberia is very quiet, and we had the blessing of our own secured private dock. Here we share our port with a number of other ships, boats, a fishing industry, and a cement plant of sorts. How and why they are making cement at the water end of our dock is a mystery to me, but I guess that is not my concern. Development; pure and simple, Benin is advanced and developing. The streets are not lined with people sleeping on the dirt or sitting in wheelbarrows. The crowds of people are moving, not stagnant groups of people without places to go, activities to attend, or jobs to get to. There are not near as many cooking fires on the sides of the streets in town. And astonishingly, there are few rubbish piles or liter heaps lining the streets. There are actual neighborhoods and in general, it appears housing conditions are almost 100% better than in Liberia. From the number of houses, to the general structure and building material available and used, housing conditions are significantly advanced. The market and economic status of Benin is incredible. I am embarrassed to admit that I had stereotyped all of Africa as, poor, undeveloped, and behind the times. I was so wrong. But, I have to say I honestly miss the simple, mobile markets of mamas carrying the grocery store on their heads. Wheelbarrow markets are almost non-existent here. There are actual proper stores and fixed locations for buying and selling. Don’t get me wrong, there is still a small population of street vendors and rickety wooden market tables covered with crazy gadgets and second hand items for sale, (items most likely donated from Europe and North America and now being sold again instead of being given to the poor). But, the differences are just amazing. At times I have to pinch myself to remember that I am actually still in Africa. Of course, obviously I am surrounded by a sea of black people, which is a good clue that I am not in Idaho or New Hampshire anymore, but I dare say I am almost colorblind now and I think there may be more shopping options in Cotonou, Benin than in Rupert, Idaho! The other day I went into town with a friend to get some photos taken for a visa in hopes that I get the chance to visit Togo, Ghana, or Nigeria while I am here. We had to wait a few hours for the photos to develop (a 3-hour photo studio; not quite a 1-hour photo studio like at Wal-Mart, but who would have thought… any kind of photo studio in Africa)! Either way, we decided to walk around town while we waited. It was fun. We wandered in and out of a number of stores. I cannot believe what is available here! There were only two small, modern, supermarkets in Monrovia, Liberia and I think I went into at least four on just one street here. The vast array of available products here is astounding. Dial soap, Garnier Fructis hair care products, Pringles, and other name brands from America. Where am I; America or Africa? There are multiple fabric stores with the most amazing beautiful fabric prints. I am doing everything possible to curtail my addiction to African fabrics, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. The craziest thing, that still bewilders me, is one of the last stores we moseyed into before returning to pick up our photos. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I stepped off the dirty, hot, African street into an IKEA/Pier One Imports/Ace Hardware combination type store. It took my breath away. Mikasa fine crystal, chic household decorations, table centerpieces, candles, cleaning products, garden hoses, work gloves, light bulbs, you name it. I cannot describe how I felt walking through this store. I never imagined walking in a store like this in Africa. It was mindboggling. My mind is all muddled up from this experience. More and more differences. The streets are busy, but a different kind of busy. There is a serious lack of children running around and most women on the streets do not have precious cargo (little chocolate babies tied to their backs). My personal theory is that the developmental status and educational level of the general population of the people around Cotonou directly correlates with the population size. Basically, in Liberia there was little opportunity for recreational activity other than personal relations, thus a greater number of children born. This makes me sad, although it shouldn’t. I mean it is great that the people in this area have opportunity, education, and careers; I just miss all the beautiful kids from Liberia that would run into my arms and fight for my attention (White people and white skin are not a big deal here). It is great that I don’t see children on the street during the daytime. In contrast to Liberia, there are a number of schools here and the majority of children in the city have the opportunity to attend. This should not frustrate me, but it does because it proves I had a stereotype of Africa and I was wrong, and no one likes being wrong. Will this in mind, I often feel puzzled, perplexed, and mystified as to why the ship is docked here in Benin? I look around town and think, “These people don’t have it that bad off, why are we here? MOST of their basic needs are met.” But, in reality, I would complain if I had to live like they do. I must protect myself from being hardhearted and insensitive. It is true, Cotonou, Benin is much more affluent than Monrovia, Liberia, but the NEED here is still REAL and great. If one travels a few hours from where the ship is docked, EXTREME poverty is waiting. There are hungry, sick, poor, and lonely people dying daily. I just see a distorted view of the economic status of Benin because I am in the capital city and living directly on the water where all the import and export takes place. We are blessed by the luxuries that surround us here in town but, it would almost be better if the ship could grow wheels and move up country about seven or eight hours. But since that is not possible, our job just requires more creativity in how to get the word out to the needy people up country and how to get them here for the care they so desperately need. One important piece of information that I am reminded of and must not forget is the horror and devastation of WAR. Liberia is recovering from the BRUTALITY of over a decade of civil war. Liberia was essentially destroyed. It is now rebuilding itself, but it is a slow, slow process. Because of the war, there is a gap of about 14 years of un-educated individuals and that certainly has an incredible impact on the community. War is horrible, but just because Benin hasn’t faced war recently, doesn’t mean the people here don’t need us. As I ponder all of this, the words of our dear surgeon that just went home with the diagnosis of cancer, keep echoing in my head. “At the end of the day, it does not really matter how many goiters, cleft lips, hernia, or club feet operations we perform, if at the end of the day, a patient leaves the ship physically healed, but not touched spiritually we have done wrong. If we heal physically, but leave people eternally lost, we have done an injustice.” I am left with the conclusion that it doesn’t matter where I am. I could be in the African wilderness, the frozen regions of Siberia, a small, rural, farming community in America, or living in Paris surrounded by all the material luxuries one could hope for. At the surface level, it doesn’t look like help is needed, but reality screams there is a lot more to see than meets the eye. Our world is broken and at the heart level, we are not really that different from each other. And we are all called to fix the brokenness in Jesus’ name. For now that means I live with the luxury of an African version of IKEA/Pier One Imports/Ace Hardware just down the road and that is okay. I am here to bring hope and healing in every aspect and to everyone I meet from the store clerk at my African IKEA store, to the mama stirring rice in a dirty pot on the side of the road.

NIGHT SHIFTS

Don't worry, I did not fall off the face of the earth, I don't have the swine flu, and I have not forgotten all of you at home. I am in the middle of my first row of night shifts since returning to the ship. I haven't worked night shift since November (one benefit of my new role as VVF Co-Coordinator and Charge Nurse; I don't have to work as many night shifts! ) As you may recall, last year I was freaked out about working night shifts because I did not do well with night shifts in university, so never worked them. Prayers were answered last year and I did extremely well on every night shift and actually started to enjoy them. I am currently on a rotation of three night shifts in a row. The past two night shifts have gone well, one more to go! I always pray that God will give me enough energy and that I will not fall asleep. I didn't expect to have that prayer answered by me running all night long, without a chance to sit down, let alone a chance to fall asleep. Funny how God works and answers prayer, I may need to change the way I pray!Thanks for your prayers, but maybe we could ask God to sustain me and give me a chance to sit down during the shift ( I know I am asking for a lot)! Take care all!